After some asshole rat gnawed their pet turtle’s legs off, a Welsh couple started a social media campaign to raise money for emergency care. With her legs damaged beyond repair, they had to be surgically removed. I’m not sure if you are aware of  this but turtles aren’t known for speed. When sloths tell slow jokes, turtles are the butt of them. One-legged turtles are slower than that. To overcome her disability, Mrs T. was fitted with prosthetic wheels. You have to admit, they’re pretty freakin’ cool.

Your JoeDog doesn’t pretend to know what “Godspeed” means — he suspects it’s Latin for “Hurry the fsck up!”  — but he wishes it to Mrs T. Godspeed, little turtle. Godspeed.